Walking In The Wilde

Someone once said, “You can choose your friends, but you cannot choose your family.” Another unknown wisecracker added to this, “But you can, not answer their calls, invite them to any special occasions and forget they even existed.” I think it is obvious that the for mentioned person did not have the greatest family. This point of the joke is that we like our friends, that is why they are our friends. We have no choice about our family.

Or do we?

As was noted, you can choose to basically not be family. You can ignore them, cut them out of your life, and decided that your life would be better off without their intrusion. Hurts cut even the tightest of bonds. How much more those with people who can get on your nerves? All it takes us a misspoken word, a misunderstood intention, or the fact that you did not come to my house when I hosted the holiday get together last year, to cause a gaping rift between members of a family.

While you cannot choose your family, you can certainly choose not to be family.

You can also choose to be family. I believe that is the better option.  

We can choose to be family by walking the difficult path of loving someone who wronged us. We can also choose to be family by talking the difficult path of seeking out the person that we wronged, whether we believe we did anything wrong or not. I am reminded of Jesus’ words in Matthew 5:23-24:

“So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”

Jesus words tells us that if we know a someone has an issue with us, we need to go and try to repair the issue. I say “try” because you may humble yourself before the person you have wrong and they choose to still hate you, to reject you, to cut you out of their life. There is no guarantee here that reconciliation will take place. However, this does nothing to change the command to “go.” Jesus warns us following this to go fast. The longer you put off seeking to deal with the wrong the more difficult it will be. However, be wise. Reach out the them and let them know you want to talk if they are ready and willing to hear you out. Sometimes people need a moment to cool off.

Let me also say this. Jesus does not say, “Go, only if you actually wronged the person.” There are times we refuse to go reconcile with someone because we do not believe that we really did anything wrong. “They are the one who took it wrong,” we say to ourselves. I do not believe this excuse will fly with Jesus. It comes from a seat of pride. Pride will never fix a fracture, only humility.

Humility is what is needed for forgiveness as well. Interestingly enough, Jesus does not only put the onus of restoring a fractured relationship on the “offender.” No, he calls the offended to go as well. Listen to his words in Matthew 18:15:

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.”

I will grant you that this situation takes place more in the realm of church disciple. However, I think the application still holds for other areas of our lives. When some else hurts us, Jesus calls us to go talk with them about it. Why? Maybe they have no idea how deep the cut is? Maybe they do not know how much they have wronged you? The ability to restore the relationship is in your hands. Jesus does not want you to let it slip by. Deal with the hurt that needs to be dealt with before it drives a wedge in the relationship.

Jesus is really smart. Not that he needs me to say that. It seems clear that the reason Jesus tells both the offended and the offender to go is because our tendency is to wait for the other person to move. It is like two people sitting by a phone determined to not call the other person until that person first calls them.

Who then will make the call?

Is it fair to tell the person who was hurt to go?

Jesus came to us, so why does it matter?

Is it fair that I should have to go if the other person is overreacting and I feel like I really did not do anything?

The God of the universe put on human flesh, let his creation spit in his face, and suffered a humiliating death to save us. What is eating a little crow to you for the sake of repairing a relationship?

Maybe this Thanksgiving you need to sort some stuff out with a family member. You need to make the difficult choice to go be family. Do not delay. The longer you wait, the more difficult it will be. They may get too hard against you or you may let your heart grown to hard against them. Do not sit there waiting for them to make the big move, make it yourself.

This is easier to write than to do and I am meddling. Reconciliation requires pain at every level. Please, for the sake of your family and to honor the Lord, seek reconciliation. Since Thanksgiving is about time with family, this would be a great time to seek reconciliation. If they reject you, you have lost nothing. But if they hear you out and accept you, you have gained them back.

You cannot choose your family, but you can choose to be family.

So go and be family.

I have no doubt that Jesus is the most quoted person in history. He may also be the most misquoted person in history but that is not the topic of today’s meandering. When you think of Jesus quotes, no doubt the fist to come to your mind is this:

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

 – John 3:16 (ESV)

I could likely write a few pages on memorable Jesus quotes. If I were to make a bet, I would put my money that most of the things you remember Jesus saying are positive. Positive meaning that they are uplifting and encourage you to feel good about yourself. However, some of Jesus’ most powerful words are those that tear us down, break our pride, bring us to ruin that we might be built back stronger. This is the pruning of the good Father in John 15:

I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit.

 – John 15:1-2

Jesus spoke strong words that can seem harsh, but they served to purpose of transforming people into greater things. Sometimes a rebuke is more powerful and necessary than a weightless complement. Those who just want to speak positive things are useless for righteous change. No one will ever grow in their faith by being told that God is fully pleased with them and everything they are doing. Do not take me as giving you permission to be a jerk. No! You need to speak the truth in love.

Take Jesus’ words to Peter in Matthew 16:23. A few paragraphs before this Peter has made the great confession, that Jesus was “the Christ, the Son of the living God!” Gold star for Peter. But Peter’s moment of excellence quickly turned to failure.

Following Peter’s confession Jesus told his disciples he must die. Just so you know, the Messiah was supposed to be God’s conquering king. He was not supposed to die according to Jewish thought. Peter realized Jesus’ error in his teaching and rebuked him.

“Far be it from you, Lord! This shall never happen to you.”

– Matthew 16:22

Jesus’ immediate reply to Peter was stern:

“Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.”

 – Matthew 16:23

Wow! Jesus just called Peter Satan! Jesus just called him a mean name? At this time, Peter, his right-hand man, had become an issue for Jesus. Peter had become the voice of Satan that echoed his ploys in Matthew 4, tempting Jesus to make his own way and not live for the will of the Father. Peter’s mindset was not focused on God’s plan but on his own. He had his own vision of how Jesus was going to operate in this world and that vision was one that was uplifting to Peter.

Jesus being an earthy king meant comfort to Peter, it meant power. I know this because the disciples would later debate about who would be number two to Jesus in the kingdom. That was a position of POWER! Such power was against the kingdom Jesus came to establish. His was to be a kingdom where the sword was sheathed, and the soldier died to save his enemy. Jesus’ kingdom was not meant to be a kingdom of comfort but sacrifice.

A few days ago, these words of Jesus popped into my mind. “Get be hind me Satan,” rolled around in my brain over and over again. I realized that the harsh words for Peter were for me as well. At times, I am Satan. I am the one who is trying to live for God in his own way and thus standing against Jesus’ kingdom.

“Gene,” he would say, “Get behind me Satan!”

“Get be hind me Satan,” when you want to judge. “Get be hind me Satan,” when you want to seclude yourself because you are so resistant to establishing new relationship with people you do not know. “Get behind me,” when you think you can follow me as a hermit because that is easy for you!

“Get be hind me Satan” is a rebuke meant to prune us and call us to bend our mind more to the will of God. Sometimes, there is more of our will for God’s place in our lives than his. We try to make them one in the same, but they are not. Our will must bend to his.

So, let me ask you: Where would Jesus need to say to you, “Get behind me Satan?”